there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
