on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
