Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
