Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
