I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
