I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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