life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
