They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
