My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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