So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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