we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
