when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
