glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
