I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
