He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
