My liver just broke up with me...
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize