You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
