So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
