Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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