We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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