i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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