If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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