It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
