You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
