Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
