If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Randomize
