Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
