i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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