Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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