Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
