i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
