It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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