I never want to see another naked old woman again.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Randomize
