it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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