i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
