my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Randomize
