My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
