i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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