I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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