We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Well I just put wine in my tea
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
