At least make sure they are 18
Why
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
