I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
