today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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