Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
