My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
