So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize