i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
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just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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