I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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