Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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