My room smells like vodka and shame
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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