What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
