I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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