i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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