No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
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