DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
