so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
