ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
