Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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