You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
