I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
