i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
