i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
