some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
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