I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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