so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
